ZOMBIE WAR!
Once there was a man he work in a police station. Their was lots to do when you a
a police officer. Once the robber accidentally dropped a dark crystal and BOOM dust of darkness came out like a war of bad and deaf soul then the robber then turned into a ZOMBIE with flashing teeth that would rip you into parts. 
That day the police's name was K.J. he then saw a zombie trying to bite a person and it did K.J. saw it with its own eyes .
ran out and shot the zombie but the other zombie survived and ran for its life then the crystal on the floor exploded and appeared to be a dark portal.Then he went to the portal and was floating in the portal and out of the portal there was a sign. 
He went to see what was going on and the suddenly a zombie ran
to him like a rocket good thing he got his
pistol out and shot the zombie to deaf. Then walked to this huge rock temple with full of zombies their and so he tried to shooted them of like that the zombies died one by one K.J. was surprised that he could do that.Then he went to the top of the rock temple it took him 1 hour to get there and a loud voice came out and said "TAKE THIS WITH YOU" and out came a bottle of healing liquid ,a generator with the tube and a sword."TAKE THE GENERATOR TO A HUGE TOWER" said the voice and K.J said " I'LL DO IT AND I WILL DO IT MY BEST!and gave a salute and the portal appeared to K.J. and he disappeared into the portal.Then he appeared to his world and it looked like a vanished world the car screen's a broken the windows on the shop had blood on them and it looked horrible.Then some zombies appeared to destroy K.J. but did not work on him anyway, he was on the top of the biggest
Tower and took the generator and he put in the batteries and the healing liquid and then ZAP! Then everything went well a maybe NOT! 
THIS IS SO SCARY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
ReplyDeleteTini You could add more scary info and give them helpful and thoughtful
DeleteDear Kshema I like the story but it might be a little to scary for little kids maybe you could put a warning like if you've got a adult with you.The words are kind of blurry, have you thought of the colours because bright coolers are hard to see.
ReplyDeleteBy Jaedun
Hi Kshema, This story is really creative and I really enjoyed the action parts with the zombies and I believe that story is suitable for younger children, for maybe Rm 3/4. Maybe next time, you could add more detail?Also what type of writing where you doing?
ReplyDeleteHi Kshema,
ReplyDeleteI like your story it was funny but it is really scary for little kids like in Rm 1,4 and 3. Your next step could be not make it as scary and make the colour of the text a colour that isn't that hard to read and make the text smaller
But nice work.
Come see my blog
http://stbsshannono.blogspot.co.nz/
Hi Kshema,
ReplyDeleteThis story reminds me a bit of a movie and painted a little movie in my head,this was a great story to read and maybe next time you can add dot dot dot to make it feel a little bit more exciting eg: he went to see what was going on...
Hello Kshema,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story it was really creative.
Maybe next time you could change the colour of the font.
Also i liked how you had chosen to make it scary but next time you should make it a little scary for the little kids.
Hi Kshema
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy reading your story and that was great and creative,maybe next time you could add more detail?
Keep it up
Hi Kshema,
ReplyDeletebit scary.....but it was great.really appreciate your hard work.
from Kshema's mum
Hi Kshema
ReplyDeleteMay the joyful spirit of Christmas be with you throughout this special time of year.
Hi kshema
ReplyDeleteit was really creative story the 1 thing you could improve on is you wrote then the robber then turned you should always change it to then the robber turned
anyways good story
Hi I am maddison from yms and I LOVE IT it is amazing you have very good full stops and capital letters
ReplyDeleteHi kshema
ReplyDeleteAwesome story loved that is was really long and interesting. But you could maybe fix up some of the sentences that don't make sense.
Zach
Yaldhurst model school
Hi Kshema
ReplyDeleteI really loved the top one about the police. Next time check your spelling before you post it. Otherwise your stories were great. Looking forward to reading your post.
Bree yaldhurst model school
Hello Kshema,
ReplyDeleteI like your story and how you did a lot of different things going on like it's a huge disaster. I think that the story is suitable and funny in a way for little kids. What I think you need to work on your punctuation and maybe change the pictures; I think that's the thing that might scare the little kids reading the story.
Proof-Reading and looking at your story before publishing it is the key to Success.
Happy blogging,
Ariana, Yaldhurst Model School
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletehi kshema I am maddison how long did it take why did you do it
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you used the colour red....it made me think of blood. Also I liked the pictures in your story.
ReplyDeletehunter
Hi Kshema my name is Jedi I am year 6 in Rimu class. I really like your story it is fun to read and it is scary too. Although you need to fix a few mistakes and maybe change the font color because it is very hard to read. But it is a very great.
ReplyDeleteKind regards:
Jedi
hey there its chloe from yaldhurst modal school im year 6 i like how you put the zombies in it. this is cool
ReplyDeleteHi i'm Nikita this is a scary story and I wish I had a copy guess I have to read it over and over again and I like how you made sound like it was true also might wanna change deaf into death because then people won't have problems reading it.But still keep up the great work.
ReplyDeleteKia ora Room 8
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this fabulous piece of writing kshema wrote.
It was a pleasant surprise to see how if people just put their minds to it they can achieve almost anything.
The Zombies I thought were amazing and creating a story of a police man (K.J.) was cool.
What do you think you could do to improve your storytelling? ( the storytelling was great)
Kind regards
Julia
Canterbury
Yaldhurst Model School
Hi Kshema.
ReplyDeleteI am Elias from Yaldhurst Model School
I like this story.
I like the police mans name, it's amazing how a 10 year old can do all that.
The photos are really scary.
Hi josh here.
ReplyDeletei like the story. i remember writing about something like this. the robber dropping a dark crystal and the poof of darkness it made the whole story Go POOF! :) thanks
Hello Kshema. I like the story you made. I like how you put speech marks when you had your characters talking. Maybe next time you should check some spelling mistakes but the blog post is still awesome.One time I made up a blog post a little bit like this except it was nothing to do with violence. Keep it up!
ReplyDeletehi there my name is Levi I really like how you have this it is really cool.
ReplyDeleteHi my name is Sam I like how you have write your story maybe next time you can make sure that it makes sense.
ReplyDeleteWow! I can really visualize that in my mind! Maybe, you could check that you have the correct words in the right places like how you had deaf instead of death. I have done a lot of narratives before, but none a scary as this!
ReplyDeleteHi this is Kadyn here,
ReplyDeleteWow! I can really visualize that in my head! Maybe, you could check that and so you can have the right words in the right places like the word deaf instead of the word death. I have done a lot of adjectives but not as scary like this awesome story.
hi my name Jovarn WOW! I like how put wow words But next time you could put more pictures. Nice work.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHello Mahaliya here from South Hornby School. Maybe you should warn people before you start writing because some young kids might read this and start crying because it is so scary please next time you write a scary story put warning this is scary. Next time before you put it on the blog cheek the writing because this does not make sense. But thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeletehello my name is jacob williams and this is super cool and scary lol
ReplyDeletefrom yaldhurstmodleschool
Hey guys,
ReplyDeleteThis is a really good story.
Some little kids might get scared of this story which is not all bad...
I personally like this story though.
I look forward to your next blog post.
Hello my name is Jedi, I really like this story it is very interesting and cool. Although maybe you should change the font color because it has missed a few words, and you can't see them. Keep up the great work! And I can't wait to see your next post.
ReplyDeleteJedi =)
i like your story
ReplyDeleteHunter Can you add more info into you comment
DeleteHi Kshema,
ReplyDeleteI liked your story.
You did have a spelling mistake, you used the wrong "ere" word,you should of used "there".
What gave you the idea for your story ?
Kind regards Ian.
Canterbury
Yaldhurst Model School.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHello my name is Toby from Yaldhurst Model School I like it. it is so epic it blows my hair off
ReplyDeleteHello my name is Blake I go to yms school I really like how the robber turned into a zombie it was so scary next time try to spell a we bit better.(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻
ReplyDeleteHello my name is Blake I go to yms school I really like how the robber turned into a zombie it was so scary next time try to spell a we bit better.(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi it is Logan from SHS you made some spelling mistakes maybe you could make a part 2 please Logan
ReplyDeleteHi it is Ephraim from SHS you made some spelling mistake. but i really like how you made that all by you south. I might make one next term it looks fun have a grate day.
ReplyDeletehi my name is ashton from south hornby school mabey you could next time you could not put imiges in writing
ReplyDeletehi i am Oliver from shs south hornby school you made a lot of spelling mistakes. Next time keep checking it till you are sure it is done but good work
ReplyDeleteHi my name is Jacob and I am from South Hornby school. Good work. You made some spelling mistake.
ReplyDeletehi my name is brooklan i am from south hornby school i like your work just fix some spelling but your work is so cool.
ReplyDeleteHi my name is Connie from South Hornby School That is so creative but mabey next time you could corect your spelling.
ReplyDeleteConnie the writer isn't the only one that has to correct there spelling
Delete
ReplyDeleteHi Keshma This is a really good story.
Some little kids might get scared of this story which is not all bad...
I personally like this story though.
I look forward to your next blog post.
Hi Kshema,
ReplyDeleteThis is a very creative story. I like how you have added a lot of information about what is happening in the story. Next time could you maybe make sure all the words are the same colour because you can't see some sentences. And maybe add some more punctuation so you know when each sentence finishes.
I look forward to your next Blog Post.
Laura,
Yaldhurst Model School
Hi I am Gracie From yaldhurst model school. I think its is a really like your story but its a bit to long but other then that its a really good story. From Gracie
ReplyDeleteI love the story of the Zombie war but I kinda don't understand some of the words...
ReplyDeleteHi my name is Mahaliya from South Hornby School
ReplyDeleteThis is a very creative story. I like how you have added a lot of information about what is happening in the story. Next time could you maybe make sure all the words are the same colour because you can't see some sentences. Maybe next time you could have less punctuation and add more full stops. I look forward to your next Blog Post.
Kind regards Mahaliya
Hunter Maybe You need to add more info about this post
ReplyDeleteHi my name is Mahaliya from South Hornby School
ReplyDeleteThis is a very creative story. I like how you have added a lot of information about what is happening in the story. Next time could you maybe make sure all the words are the same color because you can't see some sentences. Maybe next time you could have less punctuation and add more full stops. I look forward to your next Blog Post.
Kind regards Mahaliya
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletekia ora Kshema,i liked the way you love zombie war because i love zombies and did you think about adding more detail and then you could get a qwlolaty comment next time you could have two carictors kakita brayden yaldhurst model school
ReplyDeleteI have improved my comment:
ReplyDeletekia ora Kshema,i liked the way you love zombie war because i love zombies and did you think about adding more detail and then you could get a qwlolaty comment next time you could have two characters.My favourite character to play as is Chris Redfield. Who is your favourite character? kakite brayden yaldhurst model school
This story was so bad "one survived" you did not say he shot two and it takes one head shot to kill a zombie.
ReplyDeleteHi kshema i like your zombie war story it looks scary but at the same time it looks cool but maybe next time you should make the words darker
ReplyDeletehi my name is Maia i loved your Zombie war story it was funny but next time try make it a bit scarier
ReplyDeleteHi Kshema, I think your story is really cool how K.J defeated all those zombies on his own and i also really like the scary pictures you put in. Something I think you could work on is your spelling and the commas because there wasn't much commas in the story and i had to catch my breath, but everything else was great. Will there be a part 2 of this story Kshema??
ReplyDeleteHi Room 8,
ReplyDeleteI liked to hear about your story Kshema and I really liked the way you used capitols to make the story sound more intense, maybe next time you could go back and cheek your punctuation and spelling. other than that keep up the great stories and you will be a great writer one day!