Don't open your eyes.
On the 10th of August a little girl and her mum were racing away from the cops because they had stolen a mustang(CAR). Oh sorry for not introducing myself, my name is called August not the month August the name August never mine.
When she got home she got out her tracking device she would love it. she started to track down dead/living creatures. It was her lucky day because she tracked down a grave but it wasn't a grave that you expected to be because it was an elevator with a knife sign on it. She was not scared of anything, she stepped into to the gates of hell she was tempted by the drunk demons she saw lots and lots of skeleton people, like series is this a skeleton show or something.
Their was a hungry police officer who lead the skeletons his name was slender. He wanted my blood then my flesh I was hypnotized by his eyes I became a follower. he took me to the kitchen but remember I'm hypnotized by him just saying. I was right it was my lucky day my Mum found me because for some reason she wassss, their is a word um oh ya stalking. She came in charging like a hurricane but a pretty big hurricane. it was so embarrassing even though skeletons are watching. She was my hero she punched them 'BAM' she kicked them 'SNAP'. She dabbed after she smacked them all.
They all started crying like babies. "The end", "no carry on daddy", "sorry kids but dinner is ready", "ok then", "but can we carry on tomorrow", "sure".
HA HA HA HA HA HA SIMON YOUR GOOD JOKER IN DON'T OPEN YOUR EYES
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ReplyDeleteHi Simon
DeleteI like how you described what kind of car there was. I love how you added Bam and Snap. Maybe you could check your capital letters.
Good job bro your a funny joker
ReplyDeleteGood job bro your a funny joker
ReplyDeleteHI,cool story Simon.I like the kind of sense of humor in it and the way you introduced yourself ... good job... nice title
ReplyDeleteHey Simon, I think that this is a great story, I really like the vocabulary you have used and I like the ending you have given. Maybe next time you could make sure that it all makes sense and flows well.
ReplyDeleteHi Simon, well done on writing this story and presenting it. Good job on putting humour in it. maybe you could think of a more creative way in presenting it.
ReplyDeleteHi Simon,
ReplyDeletecool story I like how you introduced yourself and how you present it Great job... Nice creative title.
Hi Simon,
ReplyDeletecool story I like how you introduced yourself and how you present it Great job... Nice creative title.
Wow! Great job uso, I like how the girl could track dead and alive creatures, But maybe next time you could add some commas.Like "When she got home she got out her tracking device, she would love it"
ReplyDeleteHi simon I like how you added some descriptive words,so well done.Next time could you check over your work.e.g does the gates of hell have a kitchen
ReplyDeleteWow i like It it was funny it was creative and it wasn't like a normal story because of the way you write it.
ReplyDeleteHello Simon my name is Jedi from rimu class. I really liked your story. You have put detail and made it really funny. Although maybe try and fix your Capital letters. I can't wait to see your next post!
ReplyDeleteJedi =)
like
ReplyDeletehi my name is blake I really like your story about the person the stole a mustang it gives me the creeps.
ReplyDeleteHi Simon.
ReplyDeleteI like how you described this story and how you made the terrifying story to a Dad making up a story for the kids. Next time you should add capital letters. I can't wait to see your next post. What inspired you to make this story?
By Mika (Me ka)
thank you guys I will comment on yours:)
ReplyDelete