🏃The Shady Tree🏃
In a dark stormy night a flash of lightning hit a little tree seed. This tree wasn't normal, This tree grew in a flash and became a nightmare!
When Me and my friends sat under that very tree when suddenly we realized that their was a shadow kingdom and if you walk inside who knows if you come out alive? After we found out the next day we started to spread the BAD news To the citizens of New York except, the citizens never trusted us town folks because we were so dusty. After that instance more and more people began to fear the darkness. Next the people began to disappear. The citizens mysteriously got taken away by the shadow king's servants.
Then the angels of Harmony flew down and rescues citizens in the dark shadow realm. To this day NOBODY spoke of that moment Ever again.
What an amazing opening to your story, it really drew me in and created some great images in my head. I love using descriptive words in my writing and enjoyed the adjectives you chose to use. One thing I would suggest you do is to use Google Read Write to read your story back to you. This will help you check to make sure your writing makes sense.
ReplyDeleteThank you Mark for reading my work and also um... I will try to remember to read & write before publishing my work o the blog
DeleteRamsay
Hi Ramsay, I really enjoyed reading this story, Maybe you should add more detail because I really wanted to know what the demons and angels looked like.Next time you should maybe make it longer because I was really hooked in this story! Also, Were you doing free-time writing?
ReplyDelete1) Thanks for reading my story
Delete2) Yes, We did this with miss b (Bergin)
I thought you made a good plot for the story.
ReplyDeleteSo what gave you the idear to make a story like that?
The only thing you could improve in is, make the sentences make more sense.
Kind regards
Ian
Canterbury
Yaldhurst Model School
Hi Ramsay Tamani here from South Hornby I really like how you opened you story and also how you ended it I remember doing A story like this a few years ago. I think that maybe next time you could instead of putting 2 little people at the title you could of put the shadow kingdom
ReplyDeleteHey Rj its Mahaliya I really like how you told the story and also how you ended it. I remember doing a story like the same a few years ago. I think maybe next time instead of putting two little people at the title you could of put the shadow kingdom.
ReplyDeleteHi there saint bernadette's
ReplyDeleteI really love this story and I think that it was so intense and I really hope you make more and if you do can't wait to hear it.
From Grace
yms
Hi Ramsay,
ReplyDeleteWow! This is a great story. You really made the readers feel like they are in the story. Next time you should make this longer so I can enjoy your writing longer. What inspired you to make this story?
By Mika
Yaldhurst Model School